{"id":86860,"date":"2018-05-02T09:58:24","date_gmt":"2018-05-02T07:58:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.erasmusmagazine.nl\/en\/?p=86860"},"modified":"2025-12-19T11:22:59","modified_gmt":"2025-12-19T10:22:59","slug":"wat-als-seks-niet-lukt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.erasmusmagazine.nl\/en\/2018\/05\/02\/wat-als-seks-niet-lukt\/","title":{"rendered":"What if you are unable to have sex?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sex therapist Hester Pastoor of Erasmus MC gave us a taste of the first lunchtime lecture to be given in a series about taboos. The subject Pastoor will be discussing is sex. \u201cEven health professionals are often afraid to ask their patients how their sex life is, even though anyone with half a brain can imagine that it must be affected by their illness or medical condition.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Is sex even considered a taboo in the Netherlands? Aren\u2019t we increasingly open about sex?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cYou partially think it is less of a taboo because of the way it is depicted by the media. People do talk about sex a lot, but they tend to focus on the positive aspects. When things are not going so well, they tend to keep them to themselves. Men with erectile dysfunction will not often discuss this among themselves. When they talk about sex, they want to act tough and brag.\u201d<\/p>\n

What about students? They are known for a willingness to experiment and sometimes test limits.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cThere are taboos among students, as well. We fairly regularly see young women, aged 25 or under, who suffer pain while having intercourse and who have never discussed this with anyone but their partner. Their girlfriends are not aware they are having this issue. Men tend to see us because of their symptoms a bit later in life.\u201d<\/p>\n

How come people find it so hard to discuss such matters?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cThere are several reasons. Some people will say, \u2018I never discuss personal matters with others.\u2019 Or they will think, I\u2019m young and fit \u2013 things are not supposed to be like this. And they are afraid others will look at them funny.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut it\u2019s not just a taboo among students. Even health professionals are often afraid to ask their patients how their sex life is, even though anyone with half a brain can imagine that it must be affected by their illness or medical condition. Cancer is an example of a situation where this is quite problematic. The doctor feels it is inappropriate to ask a cancer patient how he is doing sex-wise, while the patient thinks, I\u2019m lucky even to be alive. But meanwhile, it does pray on the patient\u2019s mind.\u201d<\/p>\n

The announcement of the lecture says that you will discuss social stigma. Can you give us some examples of that?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cStigma is a bit of a big word, but young people have this idea that they should be having sex as often as possible and that they should be willing to experiment a lot. If they are not doing that, and if they run into any problems, something must clearly be wrong with them. The media are partly to blame for this. The way the media depict it, sex is something only engaged in by young and beautiful people who never encounter any issues. I hardly ever see TV shows about sex-related problems or about the sex lives of elderly or disabled people.\u201d<\/p>\n\t

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For more information, click here<\/a>. The lecture (in Dutch) is part of a three-part series about taboos, organised by SG Erasmus and MFVR, the Faculty of Medicine\u2019s study society. The first lecture will be given in Lecture Room 1 at Hoboken (Erasmus MC) between 12.30 and 1.30pm on 8 May. The second and third lectures will be about expensive medication and alternative medicine.<\/p>\n\n\t<\/div>\n\n\t

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