{"id":2213,"date":"2016-10-12T14:09:00","date_gmt":"2016-10-12T12:09:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.erasmusmagazine.nl\/en\/?p=59953"},"modified":"2025-12-19T11:22:08","modified_gmt":"2025-12-19T10:22:08","slug":"enlightened-not-enamoured","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.erasmusmagazine.nl\/en\/2016\/10\/12\/enlightened-not-enamoured\/","title":{"rendered":"Enlightened, not enamoured"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"

\n\t\n\n<\/svg>\n<\/span>\n\tImage by:<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tLevien Willemse<\/a>\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>

A long time ago, I matched with a boy on Tinder. We made the following deal: if I wrote him a song, we\u2019d go for a walk on the beach. No sooner said than done. Three months later he dumped me with no explanation.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t usually have any problems with losing contact; this was one of the exceptions. Not because I was particularly keen on the lad, but because the sudden end to our relationship was the hundredth time that I hadn\u2019t managed to find my life partner.<\/p>\n

Some young people find security in a relationship. Others never find someone to build up something stable. You then easily fall back on fleetingness for the sake of the fleetingness. You download the Tinder app and go out on average dates. Someone might sleep in your bed one night and then you later think: no, this actually isn\u2019t the person I want to wake up with.<\/p>\n\n\t

\n\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t
\n\t\tWe are the first to have lived their youth longer with the internet than without it.\n\t<\/blockquote>\n\n\t<\/figure>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n

Where does that desire for fleetingness as a replacement for security come from? Perhaps it\u2019s inherent to human nature; perhaps it\u2019s personal, perhaps typical for my generation. I think the latter. We are the first to have lived their youth longer with the internet than without it. In that sense, we are the children of a kind of New Enlightenment.<\/p>\n

The internet is in our lives every moment of the day, but its volatility has a destabilising effect. In this world which is constantly reinventing itself, it\u2019s difficult to keep our feet. It\u2019s even more difficult to tirelessly continue without someone occasionally telling you that it doesn\u2019t matter whether you manage to achieve what you want.<\/p>\n

Out of despair<\/h3>

Recently I realised that trust is the only solution for that problem. Trust offers security: at times when something we need isn\u2019t there, trust that we\u2019ll find it is the only thing we have to hold on to.<\/p>\n

Out of despair, I decided to start believing in love again. The fact that I haven\u2019t yet found a partner because I\u2019m not looking in the right place is at least as plausible as being convinced that such a person doesn\u2019t exist.<\/p>\n

While researching the question whether Tinder might just be the right place, someone appeared with whom I\u2019ve since been chatting. Who knows, this time I might have a song written for me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A long time ago, I matched with a boy on Tinder. We made the following deal: if I wrote him a song, we\u2019d go for a walk on the beach. No sooner said than done. Three months later he dumped me with no explanation. 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