{"id":184342,"date":"2025-12-17T11:51:48","date_gmt":"2025-12-17T10:51:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.erasmusmagazine.nl\/en\/?p=184342"},"modified":"2025-12-19T11:28:00","modified_gmt":"2025-12-19T10:28:00","slug":"neris-kayahan-loves-performing-but-sharing-her-feelings-on-her-own-album-was-quite-scary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.erasmusmagazine.nl\/en\/2025\/12\/17\/neris-kayahan-loves-performing-but-sharing-her-feelings-on-her-own-album-was-quite-scary\/","title":{"rendered":"Neris Kayahan loves performing, but sharing her feelings on her own album was quite scary"},"content":{"rendered":"

For Psychology student Neris Kayahan, 2025 was the year she shared her music with the outside world for the first time. Her debut album explores a personal journey from unreciprocated affection to emotional growth. \u201cWriting songs helps me understand what I\u2019m feeling. It\u2019s therapeutic.\u201d<\/p>\n

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For Neris Kayahan, songwriting is not just a form of art, but more of \u2018getting her emotions out\u2019.<\/span>

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On a big shelf in her studio apartment, second-year Psychology student Neris Kayahan from Izmir, T\u00fcrkiye, has a collection of a few vinyl records: Melodrama b<\/em>y Lorde, The Life of a Showgirl <\/em>by Taylor Swift, and an old ABBA classic. Between these albums, each by artists she grew up inspired by, she has made space for her own creation: the debut album Love, Almost<\/em>, that she released in September. Almost 20,000 Spotify listeners enjoyed the nine tracks that explore love, loss and self-discovery.<\/p>\n\t

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With 6,422 staff and 31,473 students, it\u2019s impossible to know everyone at the university. But what do these people do once they step off campus? In this end-of-year series, EM makes the connection with six remarkable stories about what students and staff do in their spare time.<\/p>\n\n\t<\/div>\n

Finding her voice in music <\/h2>

Music has been a huge part of Neris\u2019s life from a young age. \u201cI was playing the piano since I was seven years old\u201d, she says. \u201cBut then I had a Russian piano teacher who was a little bit strict. At some point, I was supposed to take exams. I was too stressed. And that\u2019s when I stopped playing classical piano.\u201d<\/p>\n

Still, stopping classical piano did not end her connection to music. Years later, she began writing her own songs, using the same instrument. \u201cI was in eighth grade when I wrote my first song, together with one of my best friends at that time. We had this piano room at the school, and we spent a lot of time there\u201d, Neris recalls. \u201cWe came up with a melody and wrote lyrics to it, and that was the first thing that I ever made. Then I figured I really liked it.\u201d<\/p>\n

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During Neris Kayahan's first performance, she sang Abba's Dancing Queen, with flowers drawn on her face. She was four years old at the time.<\/span>

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Writing songs was not the first artistic talent Neris discovered. Before that, she was writing poetry in her mother tongue, Turkish. \u201cI thought, if I\u2019m into poetry, then maybe I can do music as well.\u201d<\/p>\n

She still finds it easier to write poetry in Turkish. However, when it comes to songwriting, English feels more comfortable. \u201cAll the music that I\u2019m listening to is in English\u201d, she explains.<\/p>\n

From hobby to album<\/h2>

Despite having released three songs in Turkish, Neris initially did not plan to make an album before her producer encouraged her to record. \u201cI have a friend in T\u00fcrkiye who\u2019s producing for me\u201d, she says. \u201cHe told me: You have so many songs, why not make an album?\u201d Together, they selected nine out of twenty songs that were mostly written during high school.<\/p>\n

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Cover of Neris' first album<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>

Recording began in Izmir in November 2024 and she continued working remotely through video calls once back in Rotterdam. The album was done by June 2025, but she hesitated before releasing it to a wider audience, she admits. \u201cI was like, what am I supposed to do now? How do I promote it?\u201d<\/p>\n

For months, making any promotional plan held Neris back from putting her work into the world. \u201cAlso, I was very anxious about people listening to some of the songs that were very personal to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Turning emotions into music <\/h2>

\u201cMost of the songs are about this one guy from high school\u201d, Neris shares. \u201cHe\u2019s not someone I like thinking about right now. But it started with the idea of him and turned into thoughts like: Maybe love is not meant for me. Why am I going through all this?\u201d However, later songs capture the shift from unreciprocated affection to emotional growth. \u201cIt became a reflection of how I perceive love and all the chances I feel I missed.\u201d<\/p>\n

For Neris, songwriting is not just a form of art, but more of \u2018getting her emotions out\u2019. \u201cSometimes your mind tells you everything\u2019s fine, but deep down something\u2019s bothering you\u201d, she explains. \u201cWriting songs helps me understand what I\u2019m feeling. It\u2019s therapeutic.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\t

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\n\t\t\u2019Your love was like a deep breath you took. But mine was worth a lifetime\u2019\n\t<\/blockquote>\n\n\t<\/figure>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n

No wonder she draws much inspiration from artists like Taylor Swift and The Cranberries. \u201cSometimes I find myself writing the same chord structures or using the same words that Taylor does\u201d, she admits. \u201cI feel like I get a lot from her discography, not as in sounds but mostly in lyrics and how she portrays the feelings of people.\u201d Neris explicitly mentioned how Taylor Swift with her Evermore <\/em>album helps listeners understand that love, marriage, and frienship are not forever, but heartbreak, pain and suffering are not forever as well, a message expressed in the titlesong.<\/p>\n

The hardest lyric to write was in \u2018Worth a Lifetime<\/em>: \u2019Your love was like a deep breath you took. But mine was worth a lifetime\u2019<\/em>. \u201cThis sentence means that for them, the feeling was fleeting, but for me, it stayed\u201d, she explains. These lyrics still resonate with Neris even years later, calling it her \u2018own prophecy\u2019, since every relationship she has had seems to follow the same pattern of \u2018getting attached too much\u2019.<\/p>\n

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Neris Kayahan has been playing the piano since she was seven years old.<\/span>

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Live performances <\/h2>

At the music event EURvision in May, organised by Studium Generale, she performed her original song Coffee Dates<\/em>. \u201cIt was a great experience\u201d, she says. \u201cIt was the first time ever I performed an original song, and it was so much fun.\u201d<\/p>\n

Earlier, she frequently sang as a vocalist in her high school\u2019s music band back in Izmir. \u201cI performed for the first time when I was in fourth grade\u201d, she recalls. \u201cI sang\u00a0Dancing Queen<\/em>\u00a0by ABBA on stage. I remember going shopping with my mom to get flare pants, and she did my makeup with little flowers on my face because the goal was to look like one of the ABBA members. It was so exciting, adrenaline and happiness all mixed together. I still feel the same way when I\u2019m on stage.\u201d<\/p>\n

Although she experiences social anxiety, Neris says performing feels completely different from releasing her songs. \u201cIt\u2019s fun for me to perform someone else\u2019s songs. I love having a stage presence. I find it exciting. The social anxiety part comes in when I think that so many are going to hear my feelings.\u201d<\/p>\n

Future <\/h2>

Neris prefers to keep music as a hobby for now. \u201cIt\u2019s not like I\u2019m going to make a career out of music. There\u2019s so much competition\u201d, she says.<\/p>\n

Yet she\u2019s already working on her second album. \u201cI\u2019ve written most of the songs over the past year, and I feel like my musical personality has grown a lot\u201d, Neris shares. The new record will feature twelve songs and explore the concept of love and unfinished stories.<\/p>\n\n\t

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