{"id":168452,"date":"2024-06-05T10:34:59","date_gmt":"2024-06-05T08:34:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.erasmusmagazine.nl\/en\/?p=168452"},"modified":"2025-12-19T11:27:21","modified_gmt":"2025-12-19T10:27:21","slug":"being-an-informal-carer-while-studying-can-be-very-lonely-as-psychology-student-kyra-learned","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.erasmusmagazine.nl\/en\/2024\/06\/05\/being-an-informal-carer-while-studying-can-be-very-lonely-as-psychology-student-kyra-learned\/","title":{"rendered":"Being an informal carer while studying can be very lonely, as Psychology student Kyra learned"},"content":{"rendered":"

She can handle much more than she realised. That is what Kyra Rozendaal learned in her years caring for her father. It was a tough and lonely time, as not all of her friends understood the situation. \u201cI didn\u2019t know that other people my age were caring so intensively for a loved one. I want other young people to know: you\u2019re not the only one, even if it feels like it.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Fortunately, after two years, Kyra's father is doing much better, and so is Kyra herself.<\/span><\/p>

\n\t\n\n<\/svg>\n<\/span>\n\tImage by:<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tHilde Speet<\/a>\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>

Going to fun parties and festivals, hanging out with friends a lot, playing a lot of sport, working part time at Kruidvat, going on regular city trips, and of course studying Psychology: that is what the life of Kyra Rozendaal (24) looked like until just over two years ago. She was nearing the end of her third year of study. \u201cIt really was a carefree life. Pretty much my biggest worry was whether I was going to pass my next exam. Luckily, my studies went very well.\u201d In the spring of 2022, she received a call from Denmark, where her father (then 55) was on holiday. \u201cI was told: \u2018Your father is having an operation. He has a blood clot in his brain. We don\u2019t know how things are going to turn out\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n\t

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The term \u2018informal care\u2019 is very broad. For example, an informal carer may run errands for a physically disabled neighbour, help with household chores because someone has a long-term illness or disability, or give spiritual support to someone who is addicted or depressed. It involves helping someone who otherwise would not be able to live at home or take part in society. It often goes hand in hand with worrying about the person who needs help.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\t<\/div>\n

Kyra went to see her father on her own. Her parents are divorced and she does not have any brothers or sisters. Once at the hospital, Kyra was deeply shocked. Her father was doing worse than she expected. He called Kyra \u2018Marie\u2019 and said it was the year 1400. \u201cHe couldn\u2019t speak properly, he couldn\u2019t move, he couldn\u2019t see as well and he didn\u2019t know how to eat with cutlery.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her father\u2019s youngest sister flew over, as did Kyra\u2019s mother. She came mainly to support her daughter. \u201cI wasn\u2019t doing well. I didn\u2019t even know what a stroke was, or what rehabilitation meant. You want to keep believing it will all work out, but they couldn\u2019t tell me that at the hospital.\u201d<\/p>\n

Graduating, caring and worrying<\/h2>
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\n\t\n\n<\/svg>\n<\/span>\n\tImage by:<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tHilde Speet<\/a>\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>

Back in the Netherlands, a place opened up at the nearby Rijndam rehabilitation clinic. Kyra lives in Capelle aan den IJssel, as did her father at the time. Her father underwent rehab at the clinic for five days a week, while Kyra threw herself into her thesis. \u201cI think I got an 8. Studying has always been my distraction.\u201d In the weekends, her father came home; Kyra picked him up every week and took care of him.<\/p>\n

This went on for three months. However, the toughest time came in the months after. As Kyra dissolved her father\u2019s business, sold his house, delved into the rules of the Social Support Act and looked after her father, he became more and more aware of what had happened. \u201cHe was depressed. He couldn\u2019t take care of himself. He could no longer plan, for example, so he couldn\u2019t remember that he had to eat. For three months, he considered ending his life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kyra received mental and financial support from her family, but she found herself feeling lonely. Her father was always the mainstay of the family. She would call him whenever she had to make a difficult decision about something. Her lifestyle had changed so much overnight that friends could not understand. They struggled to have sympathy for their friend who had suddenly stopped going out with them and had trouble making arrangements to meet up. \u201cI heard they thought I was overdoing it, or that I only wanted to be with my boyfriend.\u201d Kyra was dating Tim at the time. He provided a good shoulder to cry on. They are now living together.<\/p>\n

Asking for help<\/h2>

The 2022 summer holidays were coming to an end. If Kyra wanted to start her master programme, she was going to need some help. She called her father\u2019s friends and made a schedule of who would visit and bring food. \u201cI had to, otherwise it would have killed me. I was taking care of everything for my father at the time. It was tough, but it gave me a lot of self-confidence. I learned that I could count on myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was a whole year before Kyra\u2019s father\u2019s recovery began to progress rapidly. It was no longer necessary for someone to visit every day; visits reduced to five days a week, then four. They became less frequent, until by early 2024, dropping in with food was no longer necessary.<\/p>\n\n\t

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\n\t\t\u2018I want other young informal carers to know: you\u2019re not the only one, even if it feels like it. Asking for help will make a big difference for you and those around you. Ask for help, even if you don\u2019t think you deserve it.\u2019\n\t<\/blockquote>\n\n\t<\/figure>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n

In spite of this, Kyra knows that caring for and worrying about her father is not over yet. But now she knows how to share her story. \u201cI didn\u2019t know that other people my age were caring so intensively for a loved one\u201d, Kyra remembers. \u201cI want other young informal carers to know: you\u2019re not the only one, even if it feels like it. Asking for help will make a big difference for you and those around you. Ask for help, even if you don\u2019t think you deserve it.\u201d Kyra talked to peers through You Never Care Alone<\/a>. In the Living Room, a place on campus where students can relax, she was able to tell her story, and with help from her study advisor, she made arrangements for her internship and graduation. In the end, she only incurred half a year of study completion delay before graduating in March 2024.<\/p>\n

Life lessons<\/h2>\n\t
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