{"id":151870,"date":"2023-03-15T10:40:03","date_gmt":"2023-03-15T09:40:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.erasmusmagazine.nl\/en\/?p=151870"},"modified":"2025-12-19T11:26:41","modified_gmt":"2025-12-19T10:26:41","slug":"asking-for-a-friend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.erasmusmagazine.nl\/en\/2023\/03\/15\/asking-for-a-friend\/","title":{"rendered":"Asking for a friend"},"content":{"rendered":"

What is good advice?<\/p>\n

Recently I\u2019ve come to think about that question a lot. Especially since I\u2019m in this stage of emerging adulthood, where existential crises hit you as often as the urge to google your symptoms.<\/p>\n

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\n\t\n\n<\/svg>\n<\/span>\n\tImage by:<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tLevien Willemse<\/a>, \t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tPauline Wiersema<\/a>\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>

Naturally in this state of confusion, one will seek comfort and guidance from their friends and family, who\u2019ll usually answer with:<\/p>\n

\u201cIt will all be fine, stop worrying so much.\u201d<\/p>\n

Like okay, and who are you? Marcus Aurelius or something?<\/p>\n

Hearing \u2018it will be fine\u2019 is like 2-in-1 shampoo. Theoretically it makes sense, but in practice, no one\u2019s buying it except for maybe surfer dudes. If it were easy to stoically accept your faith and carry on with calm indifference to the course of your insignificant life, believe me, I would not be writing this column right now. I would be touring the world teaching rich housewives and celebrities how to do so, charging 1500 euros per healing session.<\/p>\n

Genius business ideas aside, it\u2019s not that I don\u2019t accept the idea that things will be fine. I understand that this too shall pass. What the problem is for me and others like me, is that we would like to know exactly how<\/em> it shall pass. What ten-step plan should we be following to move the \u2018becoming fine\u2019 project forward?<\/p>\n

I asked my friend for this advice over a glass of wine when she told me the most earth-shattering insight ever.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe you don\u2019t need to know how things will solve themselves. Maybe it\u2019s okay to sometimes not know things.\u201d<\/p>\n

My whole body metamorphosed into a big Oprah moment, and I had to stop myself from spilling the wine on the carpet. That\u2019s it, that\u2019s the quarter life crisis all-in-one remedy. It\u2019s not hearing that everything will be fine, it\u2019s hearing that you don\u2019t need to be the chief executive officer on the \u2018becoming fine\u2019 project. You can let God or some intern handle it.<\/p>\n

Walking home that evening with a false sense of everlasting clarity, I wondered what I should do with this new-found wisdom.<\/p>\n

Should I take this probably ancient philosophy, loosely translate it into modern day language by adding the F-word in every third sentence, and name the book something buzzwordy like:<\/p>\n

Radical Ignorance <\/em>or Why the Captain Should Leave the Ship First<\/em><\/p>\n

Or should I just start small and begin by advising my lost friends:<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t need to know how things will be fine, stop worrying so much.\u201d<\/p>\n

What do you think?<\/p>\n\n\t

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