{"id":150653,"date":"2023-02-16T14:31:36","date_gmt":"2023-02-16T13:31:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.erasmusmagazine.nl\/en\/?p=150653"},"modified":"2026-01-16T16:37:50","modified_gmt":"2026-01-16T15:37:50","slug":"as-economics-student-tim-gouw-made-jokes-about-it-now-he-is-stay-at-stay-at-home-dad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.erasmusmagazine.nl\/en\/2023\/02\/16\/as-economics-student-tim-gouw-made-jokes-about-it-now-he-is-stay-at-stay-at-home-dad\/","title":{"rendered":"As economics student Tim Gouw made jokes about it, now he is stay-at-home dad"},"content":{"rendered":"

Tim Gouw studied Economics and Marketing in Rotterdam, now he has been home for three years to take care of his kids. He chose to become a stay-at-home dad, and hopes that more fathers will make that decision.<\/p>\n

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\u201cI like the sound of it\u201d, Tim Gouw suddenly said 10 years ago. He was studying Economics at the time and was on a first date with a female student. He had no idea what to say and hardly dared to look at her.
\n\u201cWhat do you like the sound of?\u201d, she asked.
\n\u201cWell, becoming a stay-at-home dad.\u201d<\/p>\n

About 10 years later, this became a reality for Tim (34). The student \u2013 who laughed a lot at his comment \u2013 is now his wife, and he spends all week at home taking care of their young son and daughter.<\/p>\n

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Tim Gouw in the children's room in Barcelona.<\/span><\/p>

\n\t\n\n<\/svg>\n<\/span>\n\tImage by:<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tAnna Mendiola<\/span>\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>

Little time at the breakfast table<\/h2>

Initially, Tim did exactly what you would expect from an alumnus with a Bachelor\u2019s in Economics and a Master\u2019s in Marketing: he started working at a marketing agency in 2011. But he did not really enjoy his work. \u201cApparently, it was important to stand around the coffee machine and to declare your hours, so I did those things very well\u201d, he says. \u201cBut it wasn\u2019t very inspiring, and I don\u2019t like having a manager breathing down my neck.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\t

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\n\t\t\u2018I was spending so much time travelling for work and so little time at the breakfast table that I thought: this has to change\u2019\n\t<\/blockquote>\n\n\t<\/figure>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n

Three years later, he therefore decided to become his own boss and start a consultancy firm. And successfully, too: as well as an office in Rotterdam, he also opened one in Toronto, Canada, where he and his wife went to live. After the birth of his daughter, his desire to become a stay-at-home dad began to grow. He enjoyed his parental leave and was having doubts about his career. \u201cI was spending so much time travelling for work and so little time at the breakfast table that I thought: this has to change.\u201d<\/p>\n

Even then, his life did not really change until he moved to Barcelona in 2019 and his son was born. His wife got a job in Switzerland, so it meant she could not be at home half the time. \u201cIt was at that point that I decided: I\u2019m going to be a stay-at-home dad.\u201d Tim saved up his money and sold his shares. The last time he set foot in an office is now three years ago.<\/p>\n

Fairer distribution<\/h2>

His days look completely different now. In the evening, he already prepares breakfast, and in the morning, he is usually woken by his children. In the afternoon, the three of them often go out together, usually to the playground or the supermarket. In the meantime, he is kept busy thinking up the menu for the day and working on long-term planning for things like visits to the doctor.<\/p>\n

In the meantime, Tim was writing a book entitled De thuisblijfvader (The stay-at-home dad)<\/em>, which is being released this week. In the book, he shares his personal story and advocates for a fairer distribution of the household tasks. \u201cIf I constantly step over the laundry basket, ignore the washing machine, don\u2019t know what kind of clothes my children wear and don\u2019t know how to prepare a decent meal, I\u2019m maintaining the inequality between men and women.\u201d<\/p>\n

Not without setbacks<\/h2>

All the same, the tasks were still not evenly divided at the beginning of his stay-at-home fatherhood. \u201cMy wife did more than me around the house, even though I was at home every day,\u201d he says. \u201cI thought, \u2018If I don\u2019t do it, she\u2019ll be sure to do it instead.\u2019 Like many other fathers, I had that biased attitude.\u201d<\/p>\n

He had to learn how to be a stay-at-home father, and there were certainly a few setbacks along the way. \u201cI sometimes ended up sitting with my head between my knees crying when things didn\u2019t go as expected\u201d, he says. He remembers one particular morning when his children got into a fight with each other. \u201cMy daughter threw sticky honingringetjes<\/em> (a Dutch version of Honey Loops) at her brother\u2019s head. And while I was cleaning up, my son hit me very hard on the head with a toy. I thought, \u2018I\u2019m getting nowhere, and I\u2019ve still got the rest of the day to go\u2026\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

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Every day Tim Gouw is busy with the household.<\/span><\/p>

\n\t\n\n<\/svg>\n<\/span>\n\tImage by:<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tAnna Mendiola<\/span>\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>

Satisfaction<\/h2>

In the beginning, he mainly missed a feeling of satisfaction. \u201cAt work, success is expressed in terms of performance and money, but as a stay-at-home parent, it\u2019s very difficult to tell when you\u2019re successful\u201d, he says. \u201cWe\u2019ve taken for granted many of the things that stay-at-home parents do. Nobody pats you on the back because you folded the laundry really neatly or got the kids dressed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\t

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\n\t\t\u2018I needed to experience for myself how much work it is, and now I completely understand that it\u2019s simply not possible to get much else done alongside it\u2019\n\t<\/blockquote>\n\n\t<\/figure>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n

We need to appreciate unpaid work more, thinks Tim. \u201cIt feels a bit strange to say that, because mothers have been calling for this for a long time\u201d, he says. \u201cI needed to experience for myself how much work it is, and now I completely understand that it\u2019s simply not possible to get much else done alongside it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Conversation starter<\/h2>

Now that his children are three and five years old and are going to school, he does have time for a new job. All the same, he is still holding out for a bit longer. For now, he would rather make sure that his book becomes a conversation starter with families, so that fathers eventually experience both the difficult and<\/em> the wonderful sides of being a stay-at-home dad.<\/p>\n

Tim has also learned how to derive a lot of satisfaction from his stay-at-home fatherhood. \u201cI enjoy sitting on a bench in the sun in a playground, having brought sandwiches and knowing that the kids can keep playing for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\t

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De redactie<\/h2>\n\t\t\n\t\t
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