{"id":139305,"date":"2022-04-26T16:09:34","date_gmt":"2022-04-26T14:09:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.erasmusmagazine.nl\/en\/?p=139305"},"modified":"2025-12-19T11:26:15","modified_gmt":"2025-12-19T10:26:15","slug":"it-feels-like-i-am-the-one-being-punished-for-the-assault-and-not-the-perpetrator","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.erasmusmagazine.nl\/en\/2022\/04\/26\/it-feels-like-i-am-the-one-being-punished-for-the-assault-and-not-the-perpetrator\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018It feels like I am the one being punished for the assault and not the perpetrator’"},"content":{"rendered":"

A second-year student (21) was subjected to transgressive behaviour by a fellow student last year. She decided to report the incident to the University’s Committee on Undesirable Behaviour (COG). What followed was, in her words, ‘a long and painful process’. “Those were the most horrendous four months of my life.”<\/p>\n

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This student experienced sexual transgression and therefore only wanted to be photographed anonymously<\/span><\/p>

\n\t\n\n<\/svg>\n<\/span>\n\tImage by:<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tGeisje van der Linden<\/a>\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\t

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The interviewee has been anonymised in this article, both in the text and the photograph, in order to protect the identity. The name is known to the editor-in-chief. EM will guarantee this anonymity at all times.<\/p>\n\n\t<\/div>\n

The student first met the alleged perpetrator at the beginning of her studies. \u201cIt was at a party in August 2020. We were new students and were both living in the Hatta Building,\u201d she says. \u201cBecause we lived so near to each other, we became very close very quickly. We often did things together; he was one of my first friends in Rotterdam.\u201d<\/p>\n\t

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In a series of articles, EM highlights sexual transgressive behaviour among students in the coming weeks. This is part 3.<\/p>\n

Part 1: Dire cases are no exception for sexual harassment among students<\/a><\/p>\n

Part 2: \u2018It feels like I\u2019m the one being punished for the assault, not the perpetrator\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n

Part 3: University has barely any insight into sexually transgressive behaviour among students<\/p>\n

Part 4: What students find sexually transgressive<\/p>\n\n\t<\/div>\n

Repeatedly said 'no' <\/h2>

On Wednesday evening, 3 February 2021, while she was studying for an exam at home, she received a phone call from this male student. He was at a party, but would be leaving after he hung up the phone. He asked if he could drop by her. \u201cHe sounded drunk, but that wasn\u2019t a problem. We often spent time together, then we would talk for hours and just had fun together\u201d, the student recalls. The student adds that they had slept together a few times in the past. In the report of the COG that EM was allowed to examine, their relationship is described as a \u2018friendship with a sexual aspect\u2019.<\/p>\n

At first, the evening also went normally; they chatted and hung out in her room, until the male student started trying to kiss her. Even though they had had sexual contact in the past, she found his actions odd. \u201cBecause I had literally just told him that I wanted nothing more than friendship from our relationship\u201d, she states.<\/p>\n

The student tried to stop him, but to no avail. He kept on going and held her down by force on the bed. At one point, the male student held her hands behind her back with one hand, while he tried to pull off her top with his other hand. \u201cHe is a strong guy, so I had to use all my strength to push him away. I repeatedly shouted that I didn\u2019t want this and that he had to leave\u201d, the student recounts. \u201cIt was surreal. When it happened, it felt like I wasn\u2019t there, my brain couldn\u2019t process what was going on. I was in shock that he could do this to me. Our friendship, my trust \u2013 all of it shattered.\u201d<\/p>\n

After a lengthy struggle, the student finally succeeded in pushing him off and getting him to leave. She then ran to the room next door and told a housemate what had happened. \u201cShe was totally distraught\u201d, the housemate told EM. \u201cShe said that she\u2019d been sexually assaulted by her best friend. I know that guy too, he came by often and they were genuinely good friends with each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

Getting in contact with confidential counsellors<\/h2>
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"And maybe a report would help me to work through it myself."<\/span><\/p>

\n\t\n\n<\/svg>\n<\/span>\n\tImage by:<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tGeisje van der Linden<\/a>\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>

The student spent the first few days trying to come to terms with the incident and sort things out in her head. She told a psychologist, her mother and close friends about the assault. \u201cMy mother said that maybe I should report it to the university\u201d, she says. \u201cAt first I had my doubts. I wasn\u2019t raped, is the incident significant enough to report? Is it really worth telling strangers what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

Eventually she decided to contact a confidential counsellor. \u201cThe longer I thought about it, the more I felt compelled to report it. I know I am not the only one who has experienced sexually transgressive behaviour and that it is important to report it. I thought, the more reports that are made, the greater the need for the university to address the problem\u201d, the student explains her reasons for going ahead and reporting the assault. \u201cAnd maybe a report would help me to work through it myself.\u201d<\/p>\n\t

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The Sexual Assault Cent<\/a>er<\/a>\u00a0offers help to anyone who has had an unwanted sexual experience. You can chat for free and anonymously or call 0800-0188.<\/p>\n

The university has confidential advisors<\/a> for employees and students to whom you can report any undesirable behaviour. They will listen to your story and can help and refer you. There is also a complaints procedure for undesirable behaviour.<\/p>\n\n\t<\/div>\n

Various organisations<\/h2>

The confidential counsellor advised the student to first contact the Municipal Health Service (GGD). At the GGD on the Schiedamsedijk, she was referred to staff members of the Sexual Assault Center (CSG). \u201cI told my story to them, but they were unable to help me. They sent me to the police \u2013 they got in contact with them on my behalf \u2013 so that the police can add my story to their file on transgressive behaviour at the university\u201d, she explains.<\/p>\n

The student also received 385 euros from the CSG. According to a spokesperson for GGD Rotterdam, the funds came from the Compensation Fund. \u201cI didn\u2019t know how to handle that\u201d, the student responds. \u201cThey said I can use the money for anything I want, but it felt a bit weird that I was given money because I had been assaulted.\u201d<\/p>\n

The police recorded her story and advised her to report the incident to the university. According to a spokesperson for the Rotterdam police, the vice squad always gives survivors the space to tell their story. They then look at the criminal aspects of the story and investigate it further to uncover the truth. \u201cUnfortunately, finding out the truth is sometimes difficult, because a sexual offence often happens in the private sphere without any witness\u201d, the spokesperson went on to say.\u00a0 \u201cIn cases like these, we refer survivors to their institution, in this case the university.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\t

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Read more<\/h2>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t