“I was sitting at a table and my rubber fell on the floor. I totally panicked. That was the point when I realised that I couldn’t go on like this. That happened in September. During the last academic year, I was terribly busy: I was a member of a committee, had my work, my studies, my friends. I found it difficult to keep all the balls in the air.
After the summer holiday, it all started up again, and that’s when I realised how unhappy I was. I was always involved in everything, even when I was ill. Because you can’t disappoint anyone. Always taking part in everything because it looks good on your CV. Always looking your best, because you never know who you might meet on the street. Always behaving impeccably, because what might people say? It was so tiring. I couldn’t do it any more.
So I decided to change things. For myself and the outside world, I always had to look my best. But why? No one is really interested in how I look. And would the world end if I said no to something? No. So I now force myself to spend an evening at home, reading a book. Then I try not to think about deadlines and things I ought to be doing. I find it incredibly difficult, but I’m persevering. Because in that short time, I’ve realised one thing. It’s going to make me feel happier.”
